temple hop.

This spring break I got to work and do intern hours. 

yea.

Obviously not that exciting and I was itching for an adventure, big or small.

So that weekend I decided to do a quick temple hop and try to do work at as many Utah temples as I could.

My roommates Kris and Megan were crazy nice enough to join me.

We look like small ants in most of the pictures, but think of it as an exciting 'Where's Toni?' hunt.

The temple is the most important part anyway.

Bountiful

Salt Lake City

Jordan River

Oquirrah Mountain

Draper

Timpanogos

Provo

Manti

St. George

We got to enjoy this beautiful weather for two days!

Oh and there is a zebra in Utah. Meet Marty.

Ogden and Brigham City were closed and Vernal and Monticello were to far east to fit in the short amount of time we had.  Nonetheless it was so neat to go to the nine temples we did fit in. Of course part of me was hoping for some divine inspiration as to what to do when I graduate. It really is my biggest stressor right now and I am terrified and clueless as to what to do.

Option 1: I have thought of moving back home (I know my mom would love it) and I miss watching Tiffany and Brandon growing up, I have already missed so much. It would also save me quite a bit of money but I also feel like it is a step backwards after coming so far and I just don't know what else is for me out there.

Option 2: I have thought about staying in Logan working at the Center because some jobs are opening up with more hours and better pay. I feel though, I will just be stuck here forever if I don't move on at some point and this just might be my chance. I have been here for five years now and I think I have done what I need to here. I don't think there is much left for me.

Option 3: I have thought about trying and finding a job down in Salt Lake area, but as much as I don't want to stay stuck in Logan, it has become home and I will miss my friends dearly and afraid I am giving up an opportunity to work for a great organization. I also don't know where to begin looking for a job in that direction.

Option 4: This one is pretty much out, but just in case you were all wondering, I have thought about just picking up and moving to a random state and just seeing what happens. I decided though I need to have friends nearby. I did the whole "pick up and move away from everyone thing you know and love" thing once already. While it was the best decision of my life in the long run, I don't want to go through that again.

This whole being a big kid thing is kind of lame at times. haha. If I am being completely honest, I think this is so terrifying for me because my plan A through Y didn't work out and plan Z was never thought about. I didn't think I would have to reach that far in the play book. I always make what I want to happen, happen. I remember in 5th grade telling myself  "Toni you will graduate from Utah State. You will work with children. You will go visit Auschwitz and Germany." And guess what? I did exactly that!  I also told myself I would get married in Logan and work wherever my husband finds a job. And guess what? that didn't happen. ha. As much as I hate to admit it though, that is truly what I wanted most and it is starting to hurt it didn't happen. I can't wait for the day I am a wife and mother. I think being a mother is the best job in the world! I am just having to realize that goal and dream is going to be happening later than planned. So doing this next stage on my own is scary, especially when I always assumed someone would be right there making this next decision with me. I don't always like making life changing decisions for myself because what if I mess it up? I screwed it up once and I don't want to go through the pains of fixing it again.

So why am I sharing all this? Quite frankly I never planned on rambling or sharing my thoughts. However, I was talking to a close friend of mine at work the other day and she is in the exact same boat at me yet felt alone. A few years ago another close friend asked me why am I always so happy? How do I have it together all the time? Well another close friend asked me those same questions again recently. Another close friend yesterday realized her plan has been flushed down the toilet, again, and hating that she has to make a Plan B. Another close friend wanted to graduate years ago and is still hacking away at his degree and worried about some family struggles he feels he needs to be home fixing. I guess what I am trying to get at, is that I am not in this COMPLETELY alone and that part feels nice. I wanted to let those close and dear friends know, and others, that I don't have it together all the time and I am worried about what is to come. I do know that if I continue to do what I know is right and rely on my savior it will work out. It always does. Go to the temple, read your scriptures, say your prayers, ask for help, be kind, be humble, and know that the savior does not want you to fail. He sent you and I here to succeed and he will do all in his power to help make sure we do.

trust me, that's a lot of power.